Tag Archive: interesting observations


Updating the classics with an erotic twist

Pride and Prejudice rewritten with erotic, raunchy scenes in style of Fifty Shades of Grey

Reading classic literature may just have become sexy… literally. This is the news that, for better or worse, the erotic published Total E-Bound have decided to inject some erotic interest into classic fiction such as Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and Jules Verne’s ‘Twenty Thousand Leagues

Under The Sea’. So, if you were left frustrated by the lack of a final chapter in which Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett’s sexual relations might have been described in great detail, then this new series of adorned Austen might just be for you.

The ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ effect?


Taking its cue, most probably, from the worldwide success of E.L. James’ ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, this remarkable idea has now become a reality after many years of critical speculation and discussion. The fantastic rise to fame of this modern trilogy (perhaps rather unjustly labelled ‘mummy porn’ by many commentators) has convinced the publishers that such titivated versions of well-known narratives might be a profitable venture.But such an effect raises many intriguing questions about the authority of literature itself. What right does any publisher have to take existing texts and refurbish them in any way they like? The person tasked with the job of rewriting these novels must be held accountable for each and every change. Ultimately, I fear, the hullabaloo that will undoubtedly surround this news for many months to come may well work in its favour, for controversy is a brilliant step towards exposure.

Issues that arise out of these releases

Martin Amis, amongst others, has expressed frustration at the – in his view, at least partially incomplete – endings of such novels as ‘Pride and Prejudice’, and he postulates the idea of ‘a 20-page sex scene featuring the two principals’ that might supplement the present conclusion.

Fifty Shades of Grey erotic novel written by E. L. James


But surely this notion presupposes one essential (in my view, deeply flawed) belief: that readers would prefer to have the sexual tension that pervades these novels grasped and drawn out explicitly on the page. But perhaps the very fact that there is no obvious consummation of Darcy and Bennett’s relationship is somehow better than the alternative. Literature depends as much on reticence as on revelation, and if everything is publicised then it may well detract from the overall sense of mystery. A reader can decide and conjecture for themselves what happens beyond the end – an end that is not really an end, in other words.Classic fiction gets sexy

This publication will be considered a travesty by some die-hard, avid readers of classic fiction, and will be welcomed by others who have always wondered what might have happened. In the eBook era, where public transport is crammed full of people reading works of literature on hand-held devices, there is no longer any shame in reading a raunchy novel. The blank face on the back of a Kindle, for example, serves the function that the brown bags used to in the days immediatel
y after the release of D. H. Lawrence’s ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’. Readers do not have to hide what they are reading, because the anonymity of the Kindle back cover does not give away what is being accessed at any given moment.

Some examples of the risqué additions

Let’s take a look at some of the changes that you can expect find:

In Austen’s ‘Northanger Abbey’, Catherine finds herself in ‘a whole new world of eroticism … where sex knows no boundaries’ when she encounters Henry and begins to engage with him. In Charlotte Bronte’s ‘Jane Eyre’, retitled ‘Jane Eyre Laid Bare’, Jane is informed that ‘My penis is hard. …That is what kissing you does to me. My body is filled with desire.’ Little is left to the imagination!

Jane Austen's 'Northanger Abbey' given special treatment in new raunchy edition.But that’s just it: the imagination is hindered, and given everything explicitly. Literature does not have to be explicit (in its literal sense) and should not be rewritten just because someone is frustrated at an unexplored, or merely suggested, narrative tract.

The verdict on these erotic rewrites

So, read them if you want to, but don’t be disappointed if you find a clumsy break in the development of a paragraph where the second author has interrupted the original to inject some erotic interest. The prevalence of reader-response theories in critical readings of fiction nowadays has gone some way to making us more aware of an individual’s approach to a work of literature. This should alert us to the fact that many interpretations – some erotic, some not so – are not just possible, but resoundingly valid. If you think that Heathcliff and Catherine’s relationship should have been more sexual, or at least more clearly so in the book, then use your imagination to envisage it! There is so much more to that eventual bond than sex, and it should not be reduced to that level simply to appease some minds.

Image sources: 1, 23

The London riots: when it all started

Whilst serving customers at the restaurant where I work at 6.30 one Monday evening a few months ago, the door suddenly burst open and a police officer, gasping for breath, told us that the London rioters were moving towards our location in Mile End. We quickly packed away the drinks behind the bar and anything of value and our manager told us to go home then and there. This was during the London riots, a distant memory for some but a critical issue that will continue to rear its ugly head for many years to come. But this got me thinking. Why do people riot? Can riots ever bring about positive change? And what transforms an isolated feeling of resentment or anger into full-blown unrest all across London?

Is rioting ever justified?

Whilst discussing this recently with a friend of mine, she argued that were I of the same socio-economic background as the rioters, with (at least ostensibly) no clear prospects of success in any walk of life, I may well have been roped into the violence as well. But is this really the case? If you were walking past Clarks or Topshop one evening and you saw that the shop window was smashed in, would you be tempted to grab a handbag or that nice pair of shoes from the TV ad and walk off nonchalantly?

Can we forgive the London rioters?

Personally I believe that no matter what background or opportunities for social mobility you might have, the act of rioting is appalling and deserves punishment. There is a Facebook group I saw recently entitled “I don’t riot, burn down my city and cause harm to innocent people”, and I think we must accept that the whole Mark Duggan incident cannot be used as an excuse for the criminality that ensued. A climate of fear is created that does not change anything and rioting is without a doubt the wrong way to make a difference and to make a political statement.

Conclusions on the London riots

Some people believe that the punishments for the rioters are overly harsh, but their actions are intolerable and reprehensible. Whilst I can never guarantee that, were I born into a different socio-economic background, I would not have participated in the London riots, I would like to think that some form of personal ethics comes in to it as well. The situations when rioting might be justified are very extreme, much more extreme than those that were experienced between 6 and 10 August 2011. Regardless of whether it was a rash and unthinking deed by someone who does not usually commit these sorts of crimes, rioting, in my opinion, is totally unacceptable. Do you agree?

English is one of the most difficult languages to learn, and it is made no easier by the fact that many famous brand names in the UK are terribly confusing. Let me give you some examples.

Situation #1:

Imagine yourself as a foreigner who visits England for the first time. You might know a couple of words… you might know a hundred. You might even have studied English at school and be proficient in the language. You disembark the plane, go into customs and out into the arrivals hall. And suddenly you realise, ‘O no, I have forgotten my boots!’ (It is winter, you see). You have remembered only to bring one pair of sandals and you have seen that it is raining outside. Out of the corner of your eye you spot the perfect place: ‘Boots’. You hop over, pass through the automatic doors, and what do you find? Not boots, that’s for sure. Cosmetics, toothpaste, shampoo… Any native Englishman or woman knows (seemingly by an innate intuition) that Boots is not the place to go for footwear, and yet it is easy to see how the mistake could be made. Similarly, someone going into ‘Superdrug’ could be very surprised to find that it does not sell what it says on the tin!

Situation #2:

Once again, during your trip to the nation’s capital, you feel like a trip to the zoo. You have heard that Great Britain has a great selection of wildlife parks and you want to check them out. Walking through the shopping centre one day, however, you read on the map that there must be a zoo area inside! Rushing over as quickly as possible, you can’t contain your excitement as you tell all your friends to come and see the animals! Rounding the corner you are zooming along, knocking shoppers all over the place, and you finally find it. No trace of any animals. No worries, you tell yourself, they’re probably just inside. Refusing to be down heartened, you hurry through the entrance and all you find are clothes. Is this some kind of sick joke?, you ask yourself. You find a worker and you ask her what on earth is going on.

“This is Peacocks, sir.”

Situation #3:

Let’s consider for a moment that you are a foreigner who is renting an apartment in the UK. You return from work, go into the kitchen to start the cooking, open the fridge and you discover that all of your  kitchen appliances have broken down. You go into Oxford Street thinking that somewhere on this famous street you will surely be able to find what you are looking for. Suddenly you spot it – the perfect place.

Selfridges.

And what does it sell?

Everything, literally everything, apart from fridges. Baffling.

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